the fact that I know how my mind works but that doesn't always mean I can change it, CBT, depressive realism, the fact that the constantness of anxiety feels like a kind of constant dissociation from my experience, the fact that i'm pretty sure my anxiety has been worse since i cultivated a greater awareness of my headspace, meditation, the fact that i now can recognize my anxiety and an acute awareness of my anxiety in the moment can produce more anxiety, the fact that i get anxious about how i'm acting in a space when i'm anxious, the fact that i get anxious about not being able to leave a space, the fact that i get anxious about how leaving a space might make me more anxious, the fact that i get anxious about how expressing my anxiety in the moment might make me more anxious and even have a panic attack, the fact that i get anxious about being weird or awkward or rude when im anxious when really i'm just trying to take care of myself and my needs, the fact that sometimes i dont want people to “help” me when im anxious because that means more attention on me and that makes me anxious when im anxious, the fact that i keep so much tension in my body, the fact that i really don't like being alone, the fact that i wrote a paper in highschool about solitude vs. loneliness, the fact that i cherish moments of solitude but they're not often, the fact that i really love / crave / need people, “it takes a village,” drugs, cravings, neuroscience, brain, receptors, synapses, neurotransmitters, serotonin, toner, printer toner, make-up toner, MDMA, rollsafe.org,