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the fact that masculinity feels really limiting, the fact that I feel limited in what I can be as a man, the fact that I still feel like a man sometimes, the fact that I don't want to abdicate myself of the responsibility of attending to male privilege or toxic masculinity, the fact that I do feel concern around my safety sometimes, the fact that whether or not that concern is based on real danger i do not know, the fact that I do feel discomfort around family, hometown, and old friends, they/them, the fact that sometimes i don't feel seen or understood, the fact that people have yelled slurs at me, the fact that some things that may seem like a choice don’t feel like a choice because they're a genuine expression of me, style, art, fashion, hair, earrings, dresses, skirts, the fact that gender queerness to me is far more than outward portrayals like fashion, the fact that gender queerness has helped me understand my experience of the limitations and problems of masculinity, the fact that genderqueerness feels like a genuine expression of my felt distance from masculiniy, the fact that i don’t mean to abdicate myself from the responsiblity of attending to masucline privilege, the fact that I am not exploring genderquerness to escape the vilification of my masculinity but rather to be seen and exist outside of it, the fact that i live outside of it, the fact that my experience exists outside of it, the fact that i want to be held accountable while also perceived outside the confines of expected masculine behavior, the fact that this article titled How To Make Your Marriage Gayer really made me feel validated in my genderqueerness because i identify with many of the roles and characteristics attributed to gay men and women, self fulfilling prophecy, I am who I am perceived to be, social psych, highly variable personality, Buddhist non-self, the fact that i've felt really uncomfortable in my body, the fact that sometimes during sex i feel like my body is being used, the fact that i often feel pressured into sex, the fact that i feel like my body is controlled and surveilled, sometimes by partners, the fact that im not sure how this feeling interacts with narratives around problematic cis men pursuing polyamory, the fact that (insert name) said that my awareness of these issues suggests im not the problematic trope, the fact that it matters the gender of who said that, she/her, the fact that this certainly doesnt mean i don't exhibit problematic masculine behaviors or thoughts, queer lite, internalized queer gatekeeping, the fact that i feel gender dysphoria but i dont want to transition to anything else, the fact that both he/him and they/them pronouns make me feel uncomfortable, the fact that misgendering feels binary (they/them OR he/him) and too blamey (for me, i recognize my experience isn’t everyone’s) and conveys a false certainty, the fact that i definitely don’t identify as a woman, the fact that they/them feels more right and felt great for awhile but now it feels like i have to justify or prove my queerness, projection, the fact that every expression of masculinity feels like it invalidates my experiences of genderqueerness, the fact that many close friends and loved ones in my life validate my gender, the fact that they say i don’t feel like a man, the fact that many expressions of masculinity in the bay area fall firmly outside the boundaries of male-identification in tampa where i’ve spent most of my life, the fact that its difficult to reconcile my experience in the bay area with my experience growing up in florida, paradox of queerness, the fact that whatever i want to do is not questioned and comfortable but i feel like i have to be more queer in order to be queer in the bay, queer lite, the fact that for me physical embodiment feels masculine, the fact that my sexuality feels more clear than my gender because gender feels quite contingent upon external validation, perception, reaction, judgment, the fact that i dont feel body dysphoria but i definitely dont feel body euphoria when it comes to my genitalia, the fact that mostly i feel genital ambivalence, the fact that i feel a lack of ownership over what my body is, circumcision, the fact that i didnt choose my birth sex, the fact that i feel a lack of ownership over how my body is perceived, over what it means, “I'm a citizen of the universe”: Gloria Anzaldúa's Spiritual Activism as Catalyst for Social Change, “big max energy,” naked and afraid, ripped and afraid, toxic masculinity, appropriation, 'You Don't Own Me,' A Feminist Anthem With Civil Rights Roots, Is All About Empathy,

You don't own me I'm not just one of your many toys You don't own me Don't say I can't go with other boys And don't tell me what to do Don't tell me what to say And please, when I go out with you Don't put me on display 'cause You don't own me Don't try to change me in any way You don't own me Don't tie me down 'cause I'd never stay I don't tell you what to say I don't tell you what to do So just let me be myself That's all I ask of you I'm young and I love to be young I'm free and I love to be free To live my life the way I want To say and do whatever I please ♫,

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If you dance if you dance No girl will give you a chance You're a cool guy ♫,

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